Monday, December 20, 2021

Christmas Tales 2021: Rupert the Gnome Searches for a Home (for this poem Gnome and home rhyme)

I did not do a Sermon-in-Verse last year and even though no one asked me to do it this year, I did it anyway!

Prolegomena:  The poem this year is my homage to the late Eric Carle and his book Hermit Crab Finds a Home.  I loved (still love) reading Eric Carle books to the kids.  I loved the Eric Carle museum and the documentary on him and the joy he helped/helps/will help others discover. 

Rupert the Gnome Searches for a Home

Rupert the gnome lived a fruitful life
safe, underground and without strife.
Till the day Jolene the condo wom-an
came and changed his game pl-an
Move earth, dig down deep, deep, deep,
condos, condos, cheap, cheap, cheap

Rupert sang
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging you please dont take my home (not every line rhymes)

Rupert knew he must evacuate
a new home he must contemplate

Away in a manger
no place for a bed
the little gnome Rupert
lay down his sweet head.

But where to move that was safe and sound
someplace quiet and underground.

My new home will be a church
empty, mostly, I'll do my search.

The first church he explored was a Method-ist (1)
but gnomes like beer, they were not teetotal-ist 

Second church was a UCC
neat and orderly but not very funn-y

Off he went to an Episco-pal
but the incense left his sinuses a scan-dal

For sure the Quakers, they have big hearts
but their silence meant he could not be carefree with his farts

Then off to the beautiful Catholic
nice place, but the preacher was no Fosdick (2)

Surely, surely the Lutherans would be right
but their plates of lutefisk left made his belly uptight

All he could do was sing a Buck Owens refrain
They're gonna put me in the movies
They're gonna make a big star out of me
They'll make a film about a gnome that sad and lonely
and all I gotta do is act naturally.

Then he found the Judson congregation
maybe they would improve his situation
There were misgivings with his hunch
Baptist were mean and weird was his hunch
He sang the line from Elvis Costello a little louder
There are some things you can't cover up with lipstick and powder (3)

But the sign said something that made him feel whole
Bring Your Hopes, Bring Your Doubts, Feed Your Soul 

So he entered with much trepidation
but they welcomed Rupert without complication
We've been waiting for a gnome like yous
someone to help with these yahoos
What your name lad?
Let's get you a name tag.
More important Rupert we much inc-ur
John wants to know if you're a ten-or?
What's you skills?
Can you help us pay the bills?

But a kid stood up and shouted loud
love this gnome for who is, or he'll run to St. Cloud
Its Christmastime dont you know
with baby Jesus and God says hello
Love Rupert not for what he can do for this group
Love him to form an open loop
where his love and our love meet
where we make music with a beautiful beat

Rupert coughed and shuffled his feet
He said I got a word to entreat
There was a song I used to sing
it's by the Beatles, it has a nice ring
I and it when I drank lots of mead
you know it as Love Is All You Need
I know it's not a Christmas Carol
but we can sing it without much apparel

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need


(1) Methodist were for a long time teetotalers, not anymore but for the purpose of this rhyme I needed them to still be so.
(2) Harry Emerson Fosdick was the first pastor at Riverside Church in New York City
(3) Girls Talk

No comments:

Post a Comment